


maybe all we are is fools with hearts who try too hard.

by j_whirl44



Series: The Knight and the Lion [2]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, still not over 8x04 it's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 17:20:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18782716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: Jaime tries to convince himself, and his brother, that this is a good idea.





	maybe all we are is fools with hearts who try too hard.

**Author's Note:**

> WHOOPS I'm still not over it.
> 
> title from "maybe, i'm afraid" by lovelytheband it's a very Jaime song imo.
> 
> enjoy!

As Jaime rode away from Winterfell, from her, he tried to drown out her cries. He rode all through the night not even daring to slow his speed until he knew he was far enough away to not be tempted to turn around. He sat on the ground near the fire he made and stared up at the sky, watching the sun as it began to rise.

He was a fool, he knew that, there wasn’t many people that would let him forget it. But he couldn’t let his sister nor the Targaryen girl destroy King’s Landing. His eyes refocused on the fire as he thought back to Aerys and that day he became the Kingslayer. “Burn them all” he said, over and over. Jaime still was haunted by those words in his dreams.

He sometimes wondered what would’ve happened if he sat by like a good and honorable hand and let his King destroy everything.

The short answer is that he’d probably be dead.

But if he survived? Would he still have fathered his three children? Would he and Cersei still be in love. Would the Seven Kingdoms be reduced to ruble.

He let out a frustrated sigh as he slammed his plate to the ground. He imagined the gods were laughing at him.

He lied down and closed his eyes, but only for a moment. He didn’t want to sleep until he was in the capital. He wouldn’t allow himself. So he let his thoughts wander.

He thought of the Targaryen girl and how determined she was to take back what “was hers” and Jaime saw so much of her father in those eyes of hers. He thought of his brother. Of his unborn child. 

He tried to not think of her, but that seemed to be a losing battle.

He thought of her hair in between his fingers. Her eyes locked with his. Her lips…

He shook his head, trying to get away from his lustful thoughts. He never imagined he’d feel this way for any but Cersei. He wanted to die alongside his sister, he was set on it.

He laughed to himself, he guessed that was still possible.

He didn’t imagine that the heir of Tarth would break Cersei’s hold on him. He thinks it starts in the way she looked at him in that bath the night he confessed why he killed the Mad King in a delirious haze. How after that she never called him the Kingslayer again.

He then thinks it might’ve been when he gave her the sword and armor and Podrick. Or it might have been when she named that sword Oathkeeper. He didn’t feel worthy enough to have someone like her, full of honor and ferocious loyalty. He knew he wasn’t worthy enough.

He fell in love with her on that journey, and then again when they met in Winterfell after all that time. And she defended whatever honor he had in front of the queen and her Lady Sansa, an act he wasn’t expecting but was so grateful for.

He almost had the courage then and there to kiss her, put on a show in front of all of the North, but he refrained. Too much of a cowardly lion to take what he wanted.

It wasn’t until he had the liquid courage and multiple near death encounters that he finally did it; he took what he wanted.

And much to his relief she seemed to have wanted it back.

And now he’s pissed it all away because he can’t seem to escape his past no matter how hard he fucking tried.

-_-_-

He remembers the morning after that night. He locked eyes with Lady Sansa as soon as he left Brienne’s chambers. The look of shock on her face quickly faded into a sly smirk that made Jaime blush. He approached her, clearing his throat.

“Good morning Lady Sansa.”

“Ser Jaime,” she nodded. “I trust you slept well.”

Jaime found it hard to swallow suddenly as he ignored her taunt.

He found his voice again, “I, uh, did yes,” he said, “I know you’re on your way to talk with the queen to discuss plans for King’s Landing,” he paused. Gods this was more difficult than he thought, he didn’t know how to talk to the Stark girl, after everything he’s done to her and her family. “I was wondering if I could, uh, stay here. As your guest.”

He suddenly kneels before he realizes what he’s doing. Sansa’s stoic face never breaks, but there is a twinkle in her eye that let Jaime know she loved looking at him grovel. He supposed he deserved it.

“You do not wish to fight for your queen?” Sansa asked. Jaime didn’t know which queen she was referring to, so he ignored that question, getting back on his feet.

“I’m no soldier. I haven’t been one for a long time,” he said, lifting his golden hand for good measure. Sansa’s eyes fall to it. “I only lasted through the night because of Ser Brienne-”

“Ser?” Sansa asked. Jaime nodded.

“As of a few days ago yes,” he replied.

The smirk was back on her face, “Very well. You shall stay here as my guest,” she said.

Jaime couldn’t stop the slight smile on his, “Thank you, my lady.”

Sansa turned from him, she started walking to meet in this war room, she stopped, “She deserves to be happy,” she said, turning to face him again, “as do you.”

He didn’t get to answer as she walked off.

-_-_-

Back in the present, Jaime imagined Sansa knows what he’s done by now. Maybe she found Brienne crying. Maybe she noticed how red her eyes were or how tired she looked. Jaime hated the image, especially because it was his fault.

He should’ve never had hope that they could work, not while his sister was still on the throne, but like the fool he his, he let himself anyway.

He quickly packed up his supplies and loaded up his horse one more. He had only been sitting there twenty minutes, but that was enough rest for him. He needed to get to King’s Landing. He needed to end this.

Once and for all.

Unfortunately, ravens are faster than horses on the kingsroad. He was greeted by Tyrion who gave his brother a punch in the gut. “Perhaps I deserved that,” he said.

Tyrion held up the note, “You really are an idiot, my dear brother. Why come here? Why risk your life? Why leave-” 

Jaime gave his brother a look that gave Tyrion pause.

“I had to,” Jaime argued.

“You didn’t,” Tyrion responded.

There was silence between the two. Jaime spoke, “She’s too strong. You were losing.”

“And what would you do?”

“I...don’t know”

Tyrion looked at his brother wide eyed, “Pardon?”

“I just need to talk to her. Get alone with her, so I can” he started but couldn’t finish.

Tyrion looked at his brother with sympathy, “You really think you can kill her? You can’t even finish that sentence, Jaime,” he said.

Jaime looked away. He knew his brother spoke some truth. He didn’t know if he could, but, he couldn’t let another ruler let King’s Landing go up in flames.

“I have to try,” he said, “I can’t let her destroy this city. I can’t-couldn’t risk her finding out that-”

Suddenly Tyrion understood. His brother always had a big heart. Too big for his own good.

“The raven Lady Sansa sent mentioned Brienne wanting to ride South,” he started. The look on Jaime’s face made Tyrion continue, “but it seems Lady Sansa has convinced her otherwise. She said she didn’t want to see her knight die for a man such as you. Can’t say I blame her.”

Jaime relaxed. Thankful for Sansa yet again. “Tyrion I’m not here to argue,” Jaime said.

“No I suspect you’re not,” his brother replied.

There were more moments of silence, neither knew what to say.

“She deserves someone better than I,” Jaime said, so low Tyrion could barely hear him.

“You of all people know we can’t help who we love, my dear brother. She loved you.”

Jaime loathed the past tense of that statement. He got up to leave.

“Where are you going?” Tyrion asked.

Jaime put on his sword, he was about to exit the tent before turning back to his brother, “The Red Keep.”

Tyrion didn’t protest as he watched his brother leave. He sighed and filled his cup with wine, praying whatever gods existed watch over his brother.

**Author's Note:**

> I also have a playlist for these dumb idiots if you want to give a listen! (it was for a different ship that unfortunately also involved a dumb self sacrificing man, I have a type i guess) https://open.spotify.com/user/jennypenny0202/playlist/47RPDvtfh6VDPqGTXdujKc?si=YDNhjRxrSiaFibtndPXspw


End file.
